


from such great heights to such low sights

by lovedbyshadows



Series: from titans to men (who are the real monsters?) [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Dead Grisha Yeager, Eren Has a Secret, Eren Yeager Being Creepy, Eventual Romance, Family, Feral Behavior, Feral Eren Yeager, Friendship, German Eren Yeager, Human Eren Yeager, Human Experimentation, M/M, Older Eren Yeager, Past Torture, Slow Burn, Speech Disorders, Titan Eren Yeager, Titan-Haired Eren Yeager, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-07-14 23:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedbyshadows/pseuds/lovedbyshadows
Summary: He is not a boy and he is not a titan. He is somewhere in between - hanging in a limbo known only to him.No, Eren Jaeger is not a boy nor he is a titan. He is a monster, an abomination. And he will pay for it in blood.





	1. eins

His world is big and small - an ever-changing kaleidoscope of color. It's an exciting existence. He can shift between tiny and insignificant to tall and towering in the blink of an eye. His muscles shift and twist under his false skins, never truly settling, always ready for the command. And he loves it.

He loves his little mountainside cave and the great towering trees that surround it. He loves the expanding lake in the middle of the trees, so deep and big that he can swim in it no matter what form he decides to take. He lives the little nooks and crannies in every tree in his forest, perfect for hiding when he is small and vulnerable.

He loves his home.

And he loves the walls that he sometimes visits when he is as large as his trees, head breaching the treetops and causing leaves to fall freely. He loves the humans that flood from the walls like ants from their nests. He lives to watch them fly and fight.

He loves their flying.

He loves to watch them zip and jump through his trees as if its as easy as breathing. And in his morphing world its truly a sight to behold.

He writes about it in his journals that are tucked away safely in his small mountainside cave. He writes of their fluttering green cloths and silver sticks that gleam even when the light isn't touching them. He writes of their small features that tell tales of hardened lives and old tears.

He writes of their struggle.

And he longs to use his lumbering form to help them, but he knows it's not that simple.

They are afraid of the beings that look like him - of the giants with gaping mouths and hungry eyes. They would be even more afraid of one with a lipless maw and intelligent eyes. And he knows there's nothing he can do but watch as they fall like flies.

That is until he snags a pair of wings from one of their fallen.

With these wings now in his grasp, he plans and trains. He trains his body to move and flow like water foes, fluid and graceful. He thinks of how he can help without being noticed.

He starts out small.

First, he utilizes his bigger form to fortify their supply nests. Second, he follows them in his small one and breaks off with the smallest group of humans. He blends in with their packs and defends them from his deformed doppelgangers. Third, he guards them at night with keen eyes and ears.

It's not much, but it's enough that they begin to notice. They begin to speak amongst themselves, telling stories of the mysterious soldier who watches over them. And they begin to  _look._

It takes them three years to find him, but when they do they don't even consider that he's the one who has been helping them all these years. In fact, they look horrified when they see him for the first time. It is not a welcome loom.

He is discovered by a human with strawberry blonde hair that shines with a red tint in the sunlight. He finds that particular shade beautiful and becomes distracted by it. In his distraction, he fails to notice its roaming eyes land on him. He does not, however, fail to hear it gasp.

He's alert within a second, eyes scanning the surrounding area for any threats. When he finds none, he relaxes and turns back to stare at its pretty hair. He freezes when he sees its wide amber eyes fixated on him.

" _Was ist es?_ " he finds himself asking in confusion, but his words fall on deaf ears. (What is it?)

It ignores his words and calls for its comrades. He's at a disadvantage. He can only understand a small notebook of their words.

"Help!" it cries in the human's strange tongue. "There's a kid over here!"

Soon, he's seized by the humans and dragged kicking and screaming to their camp. There he is restrained with rough ropes that burn his weaker form's sensitive skin. He grits his teeth and growls at the humans around him.

He has never been angry with them before.

He is distracted once again by a human. This time it is the small one that he enjoys watching - the one that kills the giants like they are the prey and he is the hunter. He likes this human the most of the flying ones. It is the most fascinating.

" _Ein starker_ ," he mumbles, " _was willst du mit mir_?" (Strong one, what do you want with me?)

The dark-haired human cocks its head to the side and furrows its brows in confusion. It turns to bark something that he doesn't understand at the other humans. The oyjer shrug and suddenly he understands.

They are at an impasse - unable to communicate what they want to know.

"Hello," the human greets after a moment.

"Hello," he repeats with some difficulty, the word hard to pronounce. His voice is thick with an accent that the humans gasp at. He repeats the word, much clearer this time, and nods his head to indicate his understanding.

"You can understand me?" the human asks, its voice low and smooth with an accent that he can't quite place. It is pleasant.

He nods, thinking hard on the word that means agreement.

"Yes," he says after a moment, "understand few. Hard."

The human nods and smiles softly. 

"Good," it says, confusing him. "Do you need help?"

He shakes his head. The human frowns at him.

"No?"

"No help."

"But you are alone," it argues, "and you are young."

"Alone, yes," he says. The human narrows its blue-silver eyes.

"Were you abandoned? Where is your family? How did you survive for so long?"

"I hide," he answers to the best of his ability and the humans accept it with little fight though some look suspicious.

The stilted conversation continues for a few more minutes until they come to an agreement. They will take him to the walls that he so admires and leave him with a family that's willing to take him in. He is not happy with this agreement. He does not want to leave his mountainside cave and his books.

He doesn't want to leave his home.

It is, however, the only way to escape the flying humans prying eyes and ears. It is also a way to learn more about the humans and he will take any chance he can get.

He wants to know more about them desperately.

He wants to know why they fight and fly when they are meant to be grounded. His mind wants and yearns for this knowledge like his body wants and yearns for the sun. And he will have it.

It takes them less than an hour to reach the walls - his forest is very close to it and the humans weren't very far from it in the first place. The sun is still large and bright in the sky and he thinks it is a blessing that he was caught so early in the day.

The humans wait for the gates to open with baited breath and flood into them with hurried jerks at the ropes tied to the beasts they ride on. Their beasts do not like him very much.

Soon, they are in the nest with the gates firmly shut behind them and a wave of fear touches the base of his spine.

He stiffens and halts his breathing on instinct, mouth open and nostrils flared as he takes it all in.

It is a bust nest, he decides after a moment, relaxing slightly in his seat in front of the human that found him. It pats his head in a comforting manner and he hums at the gesture. The human nest is big in the form - much bigger than his forest. It expands forever and it is nestled in the smaller part of the walls. 

It is intimidating and he does not like it.

There are humans everywhere. They take up so much space for beings so small and they stare at him with wide eyes.

The flying humans guide their beasts through the growing crowd of humans with ease. They form a circle and the human behind him dismounts its beast. Alarm makes him cry out and he whirls around to grasp onto its green cloth in desperation.

"Help," he gasps for lack of better words and it nods with a soft look. He releases his grip and it picks him up with some difficulty. After all, he is a little more than half its height and weight. He cringes away from the big brown beast immediately, hiding behind the human to escape from its beady-eyed stare.

The human makes a throaty noise, something that some of the humans in the crowd echo, and he peers at them in confusion. Before he can attempt to question them, the small human speaks.

"People of Shinganshina," it begins, "the Scouting Regiment has found a child outside the walls."

The humans start murmuring and crying out. He watches in fascination.

"Yes, I know that this is troubling news, but  ~~~~we can't focus on that right now. This boy  needs someone to look after him. Are there any volunteers?"

The crowd goes silent for a moment and he stares into them. His eyes land on a human with long brown hair that's the same shade of his own and eyes the color of honey. The human stares back at him and he smiles widely at it, pleased that someone will finally meet his gaze.

The human looks startled for a moment before it returns his smile. It looks down at the small hand connected to its own and he follows its gaze. It is a youngling human - a child - and it is glaring at him with dark eyes. Its stare is empty and unsettling. A low croon leaves his throat and he cocks his head to the side. It merely blinks at him.

The small human prepares to speak again, effectively gaining his attention, but the human with honey eyes interrupts it. Its voice is high and strong when it speaks.

"I will take the boy in," it says, eyes landing on him once again. "I will look after him."

"Thank the walls," the small human says before it nods. He's pushed away from the flying humans to the honey-eyed one by the one with strawberry hair. It squeezes his shoulder and smiles.

"Bye," it says before the flying humans leave the way they came. The crowd lingers for a moment before they slowly disperse. The honey-eyed human and its youngling stay.

"Hello, _wie lautet dein Name_?" he asks. (What is your name?)

The human blinks at him before it releases a throaty noise with a smile. He blanches. Humans are so weird.

"Hello," it returns. " _Mein Name ist Carla Jaeger._ " (My name is Carla Jaeger.)

Joy floods through him at the sound of his language and he releases a trill of excitement.

" _Schön dich zu treffen,_ " he gushes. (Nice to meet you.)

" _Gleichfalls,_ " it says, voice soothing. " _Wie lautet dein Name?"_ (Likewise. What is your name?)

" _Ich habe keinen Namen._ " (I do not have a name.)

" _Unsinn_ ," it smiles, " _Jeder hat einen Namen._ " (Nonsense, everyone has a name.)

He hums at this and nods. The youngling glares at him harder. He ignores it and smiles at the honey-eyed human once again.

" _Dann wirst du mir einen Namen geben_?" (Then you will give me a name?)

" _Ja_ ," it says with some sadness. " _D_ _u wirst Eren Jaeger sein._ " (Yes, you will be Eren Jaeger.)

And Eren smiles wider.


	2. zwei

The first thing he learns about humans is how to identify their genders based on their bodies. Typically the ones with wide hips and bosoms are women while the ones with broad shoulders are men. Carla and her youngling, Mikasa, are females. Armin, Mikasa's friend, is male.

However, some humans are not either or they were put in the wrong body. It confuses Eren very much and he briefly took to asking for peoples preferred pronouns before using any. That behavior quickly stopped when Carla found out. She told him it was very rude and sometimes cruel. Needless to say, he hasn't done it since. He'll never understand humans.

The second thing he learns about is the various ways humans express emotion. The throaty noise is actually a sound of amusement - a laugh or giggle. A shriek or scream can mean many different things depending on the pitch and intensity. Again, it's all very confusing to Eren and he doesn't know if he'll ever really understand.

He learns many other things while in Carla's care. For example, his understanding of the human's language skyrockets with Armin's and her help. He can now speak full sentences and even engage in simple conversations. His speech does leave something to be desired. His accent is still much too thick and a lot of times no one can understand what he's saying. It is not something he's happy with, but Carla and Armin assure him that it will pass with time. For now, he tries to mimic the way Carla speaks.

Another thing he learns is that the younglings of the humans - the children - do not bite each other nor is fighting seen as a game. He gets in trouble many times for being too rough with the younglings. Eventually, he stops playing with them altogether. After that, Armin starts to hang out with him more and more. He begins buying Eren books and journals, which delights the shape changer to no end.

Eren takes a strong liking to the youngling Armin. The boy already has his favor by helping learn his language, but now Eren is growing attached. He begins shadowing the small boy, openly glaring at any youngling he suspects of bullying. He even hisses at a few adults that reek of violence. Needless to say, the humans leave Armin alone.

Mikasa, however, is a different matter completely. This youngling does not seem to like him, despite the fact that he's done nothing to her. She doesn't seem to hate him either. No, she looks at him like she would an insect.

It upsets him to no end.

He tries to get closer to her by giving her gifts, but she just throws them all away. She must not like books. He ends up turning to Carla out of desperation and the woman has the audacity to laugh at him.

"Make her something," she eventually says. "Something meaningful, like a sweater or a scarf."

He scoffs at that but ends up taking knitting lessons from Carla anyway.

He knits a simple red scarf that would definitely have little blood stains on it if it were a different color. It takes him a week of bleeding and aching fingers to complete the scarf. When it's done, he has Carla hold it to measure it. It's fairly long, almost as tall as him, and perfect for Mikasa.

With a triumphant grin, he takes the scarf from Carla and rushes to find Mikasa. She's sitting outside, staring at the walls as she usually does in the mornings.

She's such an intriguing human.

"Mikasa," he calls, his voice hesitant in the wake of her silence. He knows she heard him walk up to her. She says nothing. "I made you something. It is a scarf. Carla told me that you would like it."

His speech is stiff and halted as he hesitates around every word, mouth moving with difficulty. Slowly, Mikasa turns around to look at him. Her eyes catch on the red piece of fabric clutched in his hands and her eyes glimmer with something familiar - sadness.

"I don't want it," she mumbles, turning away even as she shivers in the morning air. She's always shivering even when she's standing in front of the fireplace. Eren frowns.

"You are cold," he states, marching up to her so he can loop the scarf around her thin neck. It flops around her head and he grins happily. "It will make you warm again."

The youngling reaches up to touch the fabric, her small fingers digging into the rough but neat stitching. She looks up at him with startled eyes - eyes that quickly fill with tears. A noise of alarm leaves him.

"What is wrong?" he cries. "You do not have to wear it! I am sorry!"

She shakes her head and sniffs, laughing around her tears. "No, I like it. Thank you."

He calms and returns her small smile. It seems he's fixed his relationship with her. After that, Mikasa sticks to him like bark does to trees. She refuses to leave him alone for even a second and he finds it adorable. She joins him when he leaves for Armin's and he takes to calling the younglings his  _blumen_ (flowers). His little  _sonnenblume_ (sunflower) and  _mondblume_ (moonflower).

His life with the humans is easy. It's peaceful and slow - like the river leading to his lake back home.

 _Home_.

He thinks of it often, especially at night when the stars are bright in the sky. He thinks of his books and journals - no doubt molding without proper care - and mourns the loss of his belongings. He thinks of his trees and the animals that live in their arms. He thinks of his lake and the skies and the air and home, home, _home_ , _home, home._

He begins to resent the walls barring him from the outside and he begins to vocalize this hatred. No one is surprised when it becomes too much for his free spirit. He becomes aggressive and twitchy, his feral behavior becoming more and more of a problem.

The humans do not like it, but they are not surprised by it.

The only thing that calms him is when the Scouting Regiment - the flying humans - use the gates and he gets a brief glimpse of his far-off forest and mountain. It's in these moments that his skin feels much too tight and he feels like he might die with the need to run and fly and be  _free._

And so he watches the scouts with envious eyes and eager ears straining for any word of them.

They quickly become his favorite humans, aside from Carla and his  _blumen._ One in particular beats his affection for the younglings and it is the small one that spoke to him when he was first discovered. Levi Ackerman - Humanities' Strongest - is his name and Eren admires him so. He is strong and beautiful - an angel of death that Eren desperately wants to touch.

Armin laughs when he talks about Levi - teasing words accusing him of love, which Eren thinks might not be too far off. He thinks that he could grow to love the dark-haired human with the silver eyes and blades.

It's with these thoughts - the ones of home and Levi - that his peaceful life comes to an end.

It starts as it always does. Shrieks pierce the air and rocks rain down on the little town of Shinganshina and Eren is enraged. He glares at the monster looming over the walls, a hole inside the wall where it's meaty foot connected with it, and he screams.

It is a cesspool of death and despair. Titans are everywhere, the human's trenches and spikes do little to stop them in their pursuit to end the hunger. Humans scream in terror and pain as they are ripped apart by eager hands and teeth. Their blood coats the streets and roofs of their human homes and the sickly sweet smell of their deaths choke him.

Eren reacts far faster than his _blumen_ do and takes off in the direction of their home. Mikasa follows and soon they round the corner to reveal the ruined remains of their house. A cry leaves Eren's lips and he falls to his knees in front of the ruined home. He sobs when he spots Carla's prone body lying underneath the wreckage.

Without a second thought, he runs over and wedges his fingers underneath the wood and heaves, the wood creaking in protest. With his titanic strength, it is done with minimal effort. When she is free, he palms at her neck and releases a sob when he feels a steady pulse underneath his fingers. He shoots Mikasa a shaky smile and picks Carla up delicately. Her legs are a worrying shade of blue, but she should recover fine.

Together, Mikasa and Eren race through their ruined town to the boats. Along the way, they search for any sign of blond hair and blue eyes. They find none, but they needn't worried. Armin is on the boat with his grandfather when they clamber onboard. Soon after, the hulking mass of wood begins to move and Eren watches the wreckage fade in anger.

It is later, after they have watched Wall Maria fall to the titans, that he realizes, with no small amount of fear, that he's being taken deeper into human territory.

This fear almost consumes him. It keeps him up at night while the others slumber. It causes him to bite at his nails and fingertips until they are bloody and raw and he can feel the muscles under his skin shifting _just so_ in preparation. Oh, how it scares him.

And he feels more trapped than ever. The walls that the humans worship mock him and he wishes he could knock them down without the fear of the titans eating his  _blumen_ breathing down his neck.

This fear morphs into a hatred for humanity after a month of living in the Trost District. Humans, he learns, are despicable creatures. They are much like titans in that regard - monsters wrapped up in facades. And as he spends the night watching Armin, who is distraught in the face of his grandfather's and their imminent deaths at the hands of the upper-class, he aches to break them in his hands.

It's a culling of the masses, so to speak.

And there is a dark irony to it that Eren can appreciate. All of the humans that had seen the havoc and horror that the titans had caused were now being sent to fight them. It horrifies and disgusts Eren greatly. It also fills him with another fear - not for himself, but for his humans. They will have to fight as well. Armin, however, has a plan.

"We could join the military," he proposes after he's cried himself out. His pitiful form curls up into an even smaller ball. "Grandpa would still have to go, they won't take anyone over 50, but it would save the rest of us."

"We would still have to fight titans. You know how Eren is," Mikasa injects softly, ignoring the affronted look Eren gives her.

"It doesn't matter," Armin sniffs. "If we join we get three years of training instead of the rushed training we'd get if we didn't. Our chances of survival are still much higher, even if we do end up joining the Scouting Regiment."

"If it will save your lives then it is worth it," Eren says softly, settling down on the bed next to Armin. He takes the much smaller boy into his arms and croons low in his throat. "If Armin thinks it is only way then we will join. Recruiting is tomorrow?"

"What about Carla?" Mikasa asks. "We'll have to convince her."

Eren smiles down at Armin in a attempt to distract the boy. "It will be easy. Armin is very convincing."

Armin gives him a pathetic smile in return and it isn't much, but it is enough. Eren rubs the boy's shoulder and lets his tired eyes fall shut. He is relieved. His humans will be safe, for a time, and now he will be able to see Levi.

That thought fills him with warmth and he suddenly feels restless. He can't wait.

Convincing Carla is as easy as just saying that they're going to join. That night they all lay together on the floor with the bedding and blankets piled up around them, exchanging goodbyes to Carla wordlessly. She was going to join the Garrison to be close to a family friend, Hannes - the soldier who had burst into tears when he saw that they were safe. Eren is more than sure that Hannes would keep Carla safe.

The morning of is spent receiving long kisses and hugs and some parting words. Mikasa has a lot to say to Carla. Eren himself only has a few words for her. Armin spends this time with his grandfather.

" _Ich werde dich vermissen,_ " he tells her as she wraps him in a embrace. " _Ohne dich wird es schwer werden_ _. Du erinnerst mich an jemanden, den ich liebte._ " (I will miss you. It will be hard without you. You remind me of someone I love.)

" _Ich werde dich auch vermissen, Süße_ ," she says after they part. She attempts to fix his hair with a teary smile and sighs. " _Bleib sicher._ " (I will miss you too, sweetheart. Stay safe.)

There is a lump in Eren's throat when he nods. Carla seems to understand his silence and turns back to Mikasa. Eren watches the woman who reminds him so much of someone he can't even remember - someone important - dote over his  _mondblume._ And he stomps pm his sorrow violently and resolves to be strong for his  _blumen,_ who are strong but are still made of glass.

They wait for Armin to finish with his grandfather before they leave. The line is surprisingly long, full of saddened younglings and their parents. Eren has had enough by the time it's their turn.

A Garrison soldier waits by the wagons with a clipboard in hand and a blank look on his face. "Recruits?" he asks gruffly, sighing when they nod. "State your name and age."

"Carla Jaeger, thirty-four."

"Armin Arlert, thirteen."

"Mikasa Ackerman, thirteen."

"Eren Jaeger," he says panicking for a brief moment before blurting out the first number that comes to mind, "seventeen."

"Alright," the man nods as he scribbles their names down. He looks at Carla and gestures to the wagon to his left. "Everyone over the age of eighteen is in that wagon. You know, teaching old dogs new tricks. You brats go in the other one. Next!"

Eren hangs back as his humans say yet another tearful goodbye. He ignores his own sadness and climbs into the wagon to wait. There are already two younglings in the wagon. A boy with a buzz cut and a girl with brunette-red hair. They have bright eyes and smiles and Eren wonder how long that will last. He doesn't speak to them. His _blumen_ join him soon after and they set off, Eren watching as Carla got farther and farther away. 

They stop only a few more times and by the time they've arrived at the barracks the wagon is full of recruits. His humans are already fond of two humans - a small blonde girl and a freckled boy. Eren watches them converse for a moment before he lets his eyes fall shut.

 _Yes,_ he thinks,  _they will be safe._


	3. drei

It takes them a week to reach the military training grounds that lie deep within Wall Rose. Once they get there, they are filtered out and into separate white tents for something called "health inspections."

The younglings with him are filtered into the little white tents standing in a row. Eren, however, is led into the large tent off to the side. The woman who led him there smiles at him.

"I'm sorry to separate you from the others, but we've never had anyone older than fifteen join so you're getting a different test. The doctor will be here shortly."

Eren smiles nervously. "Thank you."

The woman nods at him and pulls the opening of the tent aside so she can leave. Eren stares at the swishing fabric in envy and sighs longingly. He closes his eyes and tries to ignore his nerves. He feels incredibly jittery, almost as if his body is attempting to vibrate itself into a million piecing. He feels restless. The shifting - always shifting, shifting, shifting, never the same, are you? - muscles hiding underneath human skin crackle with electricity as his body reacts to his emotions. He's becoming frightened. The longer he waits, the more energy he builds up in his veins and the more cold fear trickles into his system. He's pathetic - scared of a check-up, of a man who's intentions are good. But that's the catch isn't it? Armin's read him many books and excerpts. Isn't one of them, "The road to hell is always paved with good intentions"?

The cloth of the tent moves and his eyes snap open as he tenses, a growl in his throat. A man holding a clipboard walks in, his tired eyes trained on the object in his hands. "Ere Jaegar, seventeen years old, adopted by Carl Jaegar quite recently....hmm...you're the boy who was found outside the Walls, correct? This'll be interesting then. Let's begin."

The doctor preforms simple tests that no human would blink an eye at, but to Eren it is all very scary. He decides that he doesn’t like the doctor and his many different tools - the tube with the thin metal protruding out of it like a bee’s stinger in particular makes his blood run cold with terror. The sight of it send him into a panic, taking in deep breaths like he’s on the verge of suffocation, and tears burn in his eyes. They skip that part and move on to the last test, which is much less frightening. The doctor simply cages his temperature. Eren has to concentrate really hard to regulate the heat in his body and dispel it, but he manages - if only just; his temperature is still slightly elevated.

With the last test completed and logged, he’s allowed to leave and enter the barrracks. As soon as he enters, he is grabbed and shown how to wear the standard uniform. Thankfully, he’s intimately with the brown vines wrapping around his lower half so he has no trouble with them, though they are much more stiff than his previous pair. After he’s finished getting dressed, he is ushered out into a clearing. Mikasa and Armin are lined up along with the rest of the recruits and the relief that flows through his body is like a soft breeze in the summer, warm and comforting.

Eren obediently joins the others in the line up and they wait. Soon a severe looking bald man walks out into the clearing. Eren tenses up at the look in his eyes - they are that of a man who has lost almost everything, desperate and somber. The recruits around him salute hurridely and Eren, shaken from his thoughts, follows suit.

“My name is Keith Shadis and you brats should do your best to remember it,” the man barks. “I’m the poor bastard who has to train you greenhorns. Now, let’s get one thing straight right of the bat: I will not put up with weakness. I’m not talking about how strang you are; I’m talking about character and will. If you don’t have them, then you shouldn’t be here and I strongly suggest that you leave now.”

He pauses and walks around them, sizing them up as he does. Eren feels a bud of respect blood in his chest and he starightens, hardening his gaze when the man walks past him.

“No takers, huh?” Shadis laughs. “Well then, I guess it’s time to pull out the big guns.”

The man then walks up to a recruit and begins shouting questions at him, which causes the poor boy to begin shaking in fear. Shadis must see this because he sneers and moves on without another word. This continues for the rest of the day until the number of recruits has been cut down by a little less than half.

Eren and the ones who haven’t left learn very quickly that Keith Shadis is a  _loud_  man who doesn’t seem to have any moral obligation preventing him from yelling at the twelve to thirteen year old children. Funnily enough, all he spares Eren and his blumen is a curious glance. Except for Armin. He attempts to drill the blond boy a bit, but that’s quickly put to a stop by a loud snarl from Eren. The man simply gives Eren an unreadable look and moves on to yell at a girl eating a potato.

Eren accepts the simple fact that he will never understand humans.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, Eren discovers that he actually like quite a few of his fellow cadets. His absolute favorites are Connie, Sasha, and Marco. He does like Jean as well - he's fun to rile up - but he will never admit it unless under the threat of death. Most of the other recruits, however, are simply average and he's not interested in conversing with them. There are four others who Eren does not like: Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Ymir. They smell  _off_ as if they are missing something vital. They smell like the predatory animals in his forest did - of blood and death; sickly sweet and decay.  The small blonde girl, who resembles Armin, named Christa that hangs out with Ymir is just as strange. She smells sour and tart, like the lies that fall from her lips. Eren likes her, but he knows in his heart that he can't trust her until she reveals the secret that hangs around her like a cloud.

It is nice though, despite the drawbacks, he decides easily. It is comforting to be surrounded by people who genuinely like him and want to get to know him. He's especially happy that Mikasa and Armin are making friends. If anyone in this world deserves happiness, he thinks it would be them.

"Is it true?" Connie asks, eagerly, words tumbling out of mouth as fast as he can muster them. "That the Colossal Titan is three hundred feet tall?"

Eren snorts derisively and waits until Armin and Mikasa are distracted before he dumps some of his food onto their plates. After all, he can't stomach human food - any type of nourishment except the sun's light doesn't agree with him - and he does not want them to catch even a glimpse of the pellets that result from him eating. 

"Mhmm!" Sasha nods frantically, eyes just as eager as Connie's, and Eren tries to keep the sick look off his face as he watches her stuff her face. He can't even stomach one bite; how can she consume so  _much?_  

"You guys would know, right?" Connie continues, ignorant in the face of trauma. "I mean, you guys were there, right? In Shinganshina? You definitely saw the ugly bastard, right? C'mon, tell us!"

"I do not think," Eren drawls, accent heavier in his sudden anger, "that they want to talk about what happened in Shinganshina, Connie." 

Armin gives a soft smile, a delicate sadness to him, and Mikasa trembles as she grips her scarf tightly. Something in Eren melts at the pitiful sight of his _blumen_ and he pulls them into hugs with a soft coo. Mikasa sighs and relaxes into him and the trembles cease. Armin returns the one-armed embrace and rests his head on Eren's shoulder as the tension slowly leaves his shoulders.

"Oh, uh, right, " Connie agrees awkwardly. Then he pauses and stares at Eren with a glint in his eyes. "What about you? Are you okay with talking about it? Oh yeah! You're that kid that was found outside the Walls, like, two years ago or something? You lived out there, right? How?"

Eren eyes his  _blumen_ and takes note of their sudden apprehension. He squeezes them closer and releases a heavy sigh. "Yes, Connie, I lived outside the Walls."

"Oh shit!" the bright-eyed boy laughs excitedly. "Then you know what it's like, don't you? Oh, oh, oh, you've met Captain Levi, haven't you? What was it like? Is he really like they say?"

Eren closes his eyes as Connie rambles, but when the other boy mentions Levi he stills. His eyes slowly open and he tilts his head to the side to rest on Armin's head. The blond boy sighs. "Great, Connie, now you've done it."

"Levi," Eren whispers, slow and reverent, the name as if it's a prayer. "Levi, Levi, Levi."

Mikasa and Armin pull away from his hold. Eren lets his arms flop back into his lap and he smiles - wide, wide, wide, too much teeth. Connie stares at him and wrinkles his nose. Sasha laughs.

"Are you in love with him or something?" she laughs. Eren sighs again, his smile downright drugged, and nods. She pauses. "Really? I mean, you don't even know him. Are you sure?"

"I am sure," Eren answers. "I am joining the Scouts for him and my  _blumen._ "

"What?" Jean finally speaks up, his voice incredulous. "Are you fucking kidding me? You'd die for some man you've never even really met? Are you crazy?"

Eren hisses. "You can continue to sit here like a dog with its tail between its legs if you so wish, but I will not! You can live out your life as a useless coward, but I will not give everything I love to those monsters! Instead, I will honor those who have fought before me to keep us safe by offering my own life. I will not be selfish in this way. We deserve to be free! It's our given right and those  _things_ have taken it from us. They will soon learn that we will not take this lying down. We  _will_ get our freedom or we will die trying!"

Jean stares at him in silence, but Eren can see something like awe deep in his eyes. He looks around and spies the same emotion in everyone else's eyes as well. Frustration wells up in him and he stands up abruptly. 

"You should have never joined the military," he seethes, the sound inhumane and deep in the back of his throat. " _Cowards_."

He leaves and ignores his  _blumen_ as they attempt to get him to come back. He breaks out into a run once he's outside the barracks and makes his way into the woods. He doesn't stop there. Once he's deep in enough to see the Wall, he stops and catches his breath. He stands there in the moonlight and thinks about Levi and  _blumen._ He thinks about how loyal they are, about how much they mean to him, about how much they love him, and he reaches a decision. 

Mikasa and Armin will not die because of his greed. They will not join the Scouts if he has any say in it.  If he has to he will make it to where they can't, even if it means hurting them. He will not allow them to die. He doesn't need their help. He doesn't need them.

"I do not need children to aid me in a fight that I have been fighting for years," he whispers into the night air and he closes his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you guys like the new version of An Unexpected Ally. Hopefully, some of you guys that like it have decided to read this one. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please tell me your thoughts in the comments!


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